Author: Calleen Hough

Consent

On the night I was raped, when I was 14, I was spending the night at my friend Bernadette’s house. After I arrived, I found out Bernadette’s mom had gone out for the night and her boyfriend Tom was taking care of her eight children. Tom was a drug dealer and that night one of his sellers came over for a visit. The two of them went into the bedroom and shut the door so they could try out Tom’s new product in private. I was invited to join them and in spite of my reservations, I did.

The book of Proverbs contains advice from Solomon, the wisest man that has ever lived. In his warnings against violence, Solomon said, “My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not” (Proverbs 1:10). The Hebrew word translated as entice, pâthâh (paw – thaw´) in a sinister way, means to delude or deceive. Pathah is also translated as persuade, allure, and flatter (6601). The Hebrew verb that is translated as consent has to do with a person’s will. Abah “basically represents the inclination which leads towards action, rather than the volition which immediately precedes it” (14). To consent to something means that you are willing to do it, you are not being forced.

The invitation I received to join Tom’s private party was enticing. Because I had never smoked marijuana, I thought Tom was right when he encouraged me to at least try it. There couldn’t be any harm in taking one little puff. I didn’t know that Tom had something completely different in mind when he invited me into his bedroom. After I took one puff, I blacked out and didn’t regain consciousness until I was on the bed, half naked, with Tom on top of me, forcing me to have sexual intercourse with him.

Jealousy

The root cause of the conflict between Rick and I was jealousy. Although Rick was almost 40 and had never been married when we met, he was extremely attractive and had a way of connecting with women that made me wonder why he was still a bachelor. What I realized after I got to know him was that Rick fell in love with every woman he met and was unable to commit to being with just one person. If I wanted to be a part of his life, I would have to share Rick with all the other women that loved him just as much as I did.

Like me, Solomon’s lover wanted to be the only woman in his life. She said to him, “Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm” (Solomon 8:6). Women seem to be more inclined toward jealousy and have a hard time accepting the idea that it is possible to love more than one person. Solomon’s lover concluded, “For love is as strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave; the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame” (Solomon 8:6). It is very dangerous to fall in love with a man that cannot be faithful to one woman.

The reason jealousy is as cruel as the grave is because it can separate us from the one we love. When Rick left me, it broke my heart. It felt like I was dead or that I might die because of how miserable I was without him. But, as much as I wanted to be with him, I couldn’t bring myself to the point of accepting that Rick didn’t belong to me. Rick was not a possession, he was a man, free to love whomever he pleased.

Insecurity

A characteristic that attracted Rick to me, was my confidence. My job as a workshop facilitator reinforced his image of me as someone that commanded respect. What Rick didn’t know was that on the inside I was very insecure and I felt unworthy of his love. In spite of his constant affection, Rick was unable to convince me that his love was genuine and that I was the most important person in his life. Three weeks before our wedding, we had a huge argument and Rick abandoned me, leaving me at a time when I needed him most.

King Solomon described his love’s appearance many times in the Song of Solomon. It is clear Solomon perceived her to be a strong woman because he said of her, “Thy neck is like the tower of David builded for an armory, whereon there hang a thousand bucklers, all shields of mighty men” (Solomon 4:4). Solomon also used the word undefiled to describe his love, a term that means perfect and stresses moral integrity (8535). In spite of the respect Solomon showed his love, she did not feel secure in their relationship. On one occasion, Solomon abandoned his love because she had locked him out of their bedroom (Solomon 5:3-6).

Sexual intimacy between a man and woman is based on trust. It cannot be established or maintained if there is a feeling of insecurity in the relationship. The fight Rick and I had shortly before our wedding was due to my insecurity. I didn’t believe that he really loved me. In spite of his many demonstrations of love, I thought it was impossible for Rick to love me because I had been defiled when I was raped. What I needed to know was that Rick would never leave me or forsake me, but instead, he did.

Falling in love

Nine years ago I was blessed with the experience of falling in love with a wonderful man. I met Rick while I was on a business trip in another state. Ours was truly a whirlwind romance. On our second date, Rick took me to meet his family. Afterwards, it felt like my dream of finding a man that would love me had come true. I was so in love with Rick that when it came time to go home at the end of my trip, I could hardly think of anything but spending the rest of my life with him.

The Song of Solomon is the story of a woman that falls in love with king Solomon. The woman’s name is not given. Solomon refers to her as my love and says of her beauty, “Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair” (Solomon 1:15). After being introduced to Solomon’s household, Solomon’s lover states, “He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick with love” (Solomon 2:4-5). And then she gives this advice, “I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please” (Solomon 2:7).

Falling in love in not only an intense emotional experience, it is similar to coming down with a bad case of the flu, if you have to be separated from the one you love. You become weak. You can’t eat or sleep and your heart aches to be in his arms again. My long distance relationship with Rick was torture. It was all I could do to just get through each day. My only hope of survival was the thought of seeing him again on my next business trip.

What is the point?

When I was a new Christian, a retired missionary named Bernice took me under her wing and taught me the basics of being a Christian. Bernice told me that I needed to sing to the Lord and pray on a regular basis, but she said the most important thing for me to do was to read my Bible everyday. Bernice had lived her entire life as a missionary in Africa. I considered her to be a very godly woman, so I did what she said and never asked the question, What is the point of reading my Bible?

The phrase “quicken me” appears nine times throughout psalm 119. The Hebrew word translated quicken, châyâh (khaw – yaw´) means to live, but it also means “to bring to life” or “to cause to live” (2421). The kind of life chayah refers to is more than physical existence. It is spiritual life that comes from to word of God. The author of the book of Hebrews states, “For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).

If I had asked Bernice the question, What is the point of reading my Bible? I think she would have said, It keeps your spirit alive. In the same way that I need to eat food everyday to keep my body functioning, I need to read God’s word everyday to keep my spirit functioning. Over the years, I have discovered many benefits to reading my Bible daily. Even though I haven’t always understood what I was reading, I think I have developed some of the godly characteristics that I admired in my friend Bernice.

Born again

I was a virgin when I was raped at the age of 14. Afterward, I knew I had lost something, that it had been taken from me violently, by force, but I didn’t know what it was until many years later. Virginity is more than a type of innocence. It is like a royal robe that identifies us as God’s children, creatures that have been created in his image. Rape is much like the original sin that caused the earth to bring forth thorns and thistles. It takes away the beauty that once existed and replaces it with pain and sorrow.

Psalm 119:126 states, “It is time for thee, LORD, to work: for they have made void thy law.” The Hebrew word translated work in this verse is the same word translated make in Genesis 1:26 where it states, “And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.” God did not stop working after he made the heavens and earth. God’s work of redemption is ongoing and is evidenced by the transformation of people’s lives. It says in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are past away; behold, all things are become new.”

One of the things that happened to me when I became a Christian was that my virginity was restored. By that, I do not mean that my body was restored to its previous condition, but that my mind and heart were transformed into the image of Christ. My royal robe was returned to me and I was once again an innocent child of God. God’s work of redemption made it possible for me to recover what had been taken from me and to live as if I had not been raped.

A conversation with God

The first conversation I had with God began with a spontaneous expression of a desire I was completely unaware of. My statement was like a confession. “God, all I want do is come and be with you in heaven and take care of the little babies there.” And his response was like a prophetic revelation, “Some day you will come and be with me, but until that time, I have much work for you to do where you are.” I received the message 35 years ago and yet it seems as if it was only yesterday the words were spoken to me.

The psalmist said, “For ever, O LORD, thy word is settled in heaven” (Psalm 119:89). The word translated settled, nâtsab (naw – tsab´) means to station (5324). It is similar to what a soldier does while on watch. The words for ever designate an existence that is outside of time or “from the most distant past time to the most distant future time,” in other words, eternity (5769). Heaven is God’s home, but it is not a place in the universe. “God’s abode is a unique realm not to be identified with the physical creation” (8064). God is in or in between everything we can see.

The fact that we can hear God speak to us is unexplainable, but my experience indicates it is possible to have a conversation with God. The thing that amazes me the most about what I heard was that is was exactly what I needed to hear in the moment and every moment since then. The message was timeless and it has sustained me for 35 years. I don’t know how much longer it will be before I go to heaven, but I know some day I will go there, or should I say be there, as God is now.

For my son, the Messiah

David’s last psalm was dedicated to his son Solomon and was probably given to him after his death. David reveals his expectation that his son would be Israel’s savior. In his prayer, David said, “He shall spare the poor and needy, and shall save the souls of the needy. He shall redeem their soul from deceit and violence: and precious shall their blood be in his sight.

One of the points that Paul the Apostle made about Jesus was that he was “of the seed of David” (2 Timothy 2:8). Paul connected Jesus with David because it was known at that time that Israel’s Messiah would be a descendant of David. The thing that distinguished Jesus from Solomon was that Jesus was raised from the dead, a qualification for eternal life. God’s promise to David was that his son or seed would rule over God’s kingdom for ever (2 Samuel 7:13). Therefore, Solomon could not be the Messiah.

I can understand why David thought Solomon was the promised eternal king of Israel, but I wonder if David realized the pressure he was putting on his son Solomon. Solomon most likely asked God for wisdom and knowledge because there was no way he could be the Messiah without it, but if Solomon thought he could take God’s place in ruling over the people of Israel, he was mistaken. God never intended for a merely mortal man to be Israel’s eternal king. Only God himself could handle that kind of responsibility.

Paul said, “Consider what I say; and the Lord give thee understanding in all things. Remember that Jesus Christ of the seed of David was raised from the dead according to my gospel” (2 Timothy 2:8). What was so profound about Paul’s gospel was not that a man was raised from the dead, but an eternal God became a man. This was the point I believe Paul was trying to make. God’s promise to David was not that his son would live forever, but that the God who lives forever would become David’s son.

Many times in the Bible, the gospel is referred to as a mystery. The Greek word translated mystery, musterion does not mean mystery as we think of it, “but that which, being outside the range of unassisted natural apprehension, can be made known only by divine revelation, and is made known in a manner and at a time appointed by God, and to those only who are illumined by His Spirit. In the ordinary sense a ‘mystery’ implies knowledge withheld” (3466). I believe psalm 72 should have been titled for Jesus, not Solomon.

And

When God answered Solomon’s prayer for wisdom and knowledge, God did not just give him wisdom and knowledge, God gave Solomon wisdom, knowledge, and wealth.

And God said to Solomon, because this was in thine heart, and thou hast not asked riches, wealth, or honour, nor the life of thine enemies, neither yet hast asked long life, but hast asked wisdom and knowledge for thyselft that thou mayest judge my people, over whom I have made thee king: wisdom and knowledge is granted unto thee; and I will give thee riches, and wealth, and honour, such as none of the kings have had that have been before thee, neither shall there any after thee have the like. (2 Chronicles:11-12)

Typically, God only gives us what we ask for. It says in James 4:2, “ye have not, because ye ask not.” In general, we understand that we need to ask God for what we want, but in Solomon’s case, God gave Solomon something he didn’t ask for… and maybe didn’t want. It is not clear whether Solomon wanted wealth, but didn’t ask for it or God decided to give Solomon wealth even though or because he didn’t want it.

It’s hard to imagine that Solomon, or anyone else for that matter, would not want to be wealthy. It could have been that Solomon was not interested in material possessions, but more than likely, Solomon already had everything he wanted as far as material possessions go. King David was a rich man and probably gave his son everything he asked for. The one thing David couldn’t give his son was wisdom because wisdom only comes from God.

Prior to Solomon, people relied on casting lots to determine the will of God. It may not have occurred to them that they could possess wisdom and be able to discern the will of God without having to ask every time a new situation came up. Knowing the will of God was probably important to Solomon because he didn’t want to make mistakes like his father David had. King David’s affair with Bath-sheba and murder of her husband Uriah caused his family a great deal of pain and suffering. When Nathan the prophet confronted David with his sin, he used a story of greed to depict David’s actions.

In spite of his youth, I believe Solomon was already a wise man when he asked God to give him wisdom and knowledge. Only a wise man would realize that wealth was not the answer to success. I think God gave Solomon wealth because God knew he was wise enough to not abuse it. Solomon was not concerned with impressing other people and was content with what he already had.

An understanding heart

“In Gibeon the LORD appeared to Solomon in a dream by night: and God said, Ask what I shall give thee” (1 Kings 3:5). Solomon’s prayer for wisdom resulted in God making him the wisest man to ever live (1 Kings 3:12). Solomon’s request was for an understanding heart that would enable him to “discern between good and bad (1 Kings 3:9). The word translated understanding, shâma‘ (shaw – mah´) means to hear intelligently and also to give undivided attention (8085). The word shama appears frequently in the Psalms in reference to God hearing the prayers of David. God gave Solomon a supernatural ability that made it possible for Solomon to achieve mental excellence without studying a single subject or experiencing anything himself.

An example of Solomon’s wise decision-making is recorded in 1 Kings 3:16-27. In this particular case, two women are claiming to be the mother of the same child. After hearing their story, Solomon orders the child to be divided into two and half given to each of the women. His shocking decree prompts the real mother to give up her half so that the child can live (1 Kings 3:25-26). What is clear from this example is that Solomon is an expert in human behavior. Solomon understood that a mother’s love for her child should prompt her to sacrifice her own well being for that of her child. Most likely, Solomon knew from the beginning which of the two women was the real mother based on her facial expressions and demeanor, but he chose to let the real mother decide the outcome. It was the real mother’s unselfishness that allowed her to keep her child. If she had agreed to divide the child, rather than give him up, both of the women would have left empty handed.

Solomon was endowed with special abilities given to him by God, not for his own benefit, but for the benefit of the people he ruled over. As the king of Israel, Solomon had the power to decide people’s fate. If he made good decisions, the people would thrive and prosper. If he made bad decisions, the people would become corrupt and dishonesty would ruin relationships. In the case of the two women claiming to be the mother of the same child, one of the women was lying. Because her lie was discovered, she was no longer able to take advantage of the women she lived with. As they both went back home, the real mother and her child reunited, the woman that lied probably wondered to herself, How did Solomon figure it out? I thought for sure I could convince him that I was the real mother.