A characteristic that attracted Rick to me, was my confidence. My job as a workshop facilitator reinforced his image of me as someone that commanded respect. What Rick didn’t know was that on the inside I was very insecure and I felt unworthy of his love. In spite of his constant affection, Rick was unable to convince me that his love was genuine and that I was the most important person in his life. Three weeks before our wedding, we had a huge argument and Rick abandoned me, leaving me at a time when I needed him most.
King Solomon described his love’s appearance many times in the Song of Solomon. It is clear Solomon perceived her to be a strong woman because he said of her, “Thy neck is like the tower of David builded for an armory, whereon there hang a thousand bucklers, all shields of mighty men” (Solomon 4:4). Solomon also used the word undefiled to describe his love, a term that means perfect and stresses moral integrity (8535). In spite of the respect Solomon showed his love, she did not feel secure in their relationship. On one occasion, Solomon abandoned his love because she had locked him out of their bedroom (Solomon 5:3-6).
Sexual intimacy between a man and woman is based on trust. It cannot be established or maintained if there is a feeling of insecurity in the relationship. The fight Rick and I had shortly before our wedding was due to my insecurity. I didn’t believe that he really loved me. In spite of his many demonstrations of love, I thought it was impossible for Rick to love me because I had been defiled when I was raped. What I needed to know was that Rick would never leave me or forsake me, but instead, he did.