The first few years of my marriage were very happy ones. Becoming a mom was the best possible thing that could have happened to me, but after having three children, my ex-husband decided to have a vasectomy. My independent nature caused me to rebel against his decision and before long I found myself unhappy with my situation. I didn’t wake up one day thinking this sucks, there was a gradual change in my disposition. I went from being a very happy, contented wife to a miserable wretch over the course of about three years.

Proverbs 4:19 says, “The way of the wicked is as darkness: they know not at what they stumble.” The Hebrew word translated darkness, aphelah means duskiness (653). Aphelah is another form of the word aphel which means to set as the sun (651). The transition from day to night happens slowly and gradually, not in an instant like the flipping of a light switch. The problem with duskiness is that you can still see well enough to function, but your vision is distorted because of insufficient light. A wicked person that is guilty enough to deserve punishment, but does not, is probably avoiding punishment because his behavior overall is still pretty good.

What I didn’t see during the years when my marriage began to unravel was that I was becoming cold and indifferent to the people around me. Of course, the primary target of my selfish behavior was my husband, but my bad attitude affected everyone. I was difficult to get along with and I expected God to bless me even though I was living contrary to what it says a wife is supposed to in the Bible. I didn’t realize my unwillingness to submit to my husband was a serious sin that could ruin my marriage.