love

Rejection

God demonstrated his love for his chosen people by selecting them to receive his mercy and forgiveness even though they didn’t deserve it. God’s explanation for doing this can be found in Malachi 1:2-3, where it says, “I have loved you, saith the LORD, Yet you say, Wherein hast thou loved us? Was not Esau Jacob’s brother? saith the LORD: yet I loved Jacob, and I hated Esau, and laid his mountains and his heritage waste for the dragons of the wilderness.” The Hebrew word translated hated, sane´ (saw – nay´) “represents an emotion ranging from intense hatred to the much weaker set against” (8130). Regardless of the intensity of his negative emotions, what the LORD was making clear was that he had made an intentional effort to destroy Esau’s inheritance, while preserving that of his beloved people, the descendants of Jacob.

If there was any doubt about where God’s wrath was directed, the Jews were assured that it was not directed at them. Even though he had sent his people into captivity to punish their unfaithfulness, God did not abandon them or allow his people to be destroyed by their enemies. In fact, after they had been given permission to return to the Promised Land (Ezra 1:3), many of the Jews decided to stay in Babylon and were almost exterminated there (Esther 3:13). Even then, God delivered the Jews from their enemies and eventually commissioned Nehemiah to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem for their protection. Comparing the Jews to the Edomites, God said, “Whereas Edom saith, “We are impoverished, but we will return and build the desolate places, Thus saith the LORD of hosts, They shall build, but I will throw down; and they shall call them, The border of wickedness, and, The people against whom the LORD hath indignation for ever” (Malachi 1:4).

God’s disappointment with his people was primarily directed at their political and religious leaders. In particular, the priests had failed to teach his people how to live according to his laws. God warned the priesthood, stating, If ye will not hear, and if ye will not lay it to heart, to give glory unto my name, saith the LORD of hosts, I will even send a curse on you, and will curse your blessings: yea, I have cursed them already because ye do not lay it to heart” (Malachi 2:2). Another way of interpreting the phrase lay it to heart would be for God to say, You need to take me seriously or, You need to do what I tell you to. The thing the Jews seemed to always keep forgetting was their obligation to do God’s will. The priesthood was set aside for a particular purpose, to give God glory through their worship and their sacrifices in his temple. In his final reprimand of the priests, the LORD stated, “For the priests lips should keep knowledge, and they should seek the law at his mouth: for he is the messenger of the LORD of hosts. But ye are departed out of the way; ye have caused many to stumble at the law; ye have corrupted the covenant of Levi, saith the LORD of hosts” (Malachi 2:8-9).

Redemption

The prophet Hosea’s relationship with his wife provided a real life example of what God went through to redeem his people. God commanded Hosea, “Go yet, love a woman beloved of her friend, yet an adulteress, according to the love of the LORD toward the children of Israel, who took to other gods, and love flagons of wine” (Hosea 3:1). The word used to describe the love Hosea was to show his wife was ’âhêb (aw – habe´), which meant to love “in the sense of having a strong emotional attachment to and desire either to possess or be in the presence of the object” (157).

The kind of love Hosea was to have for his wife was similar to what we think of today as being in love with someone. It was supposed to involve making love and having a romantic desire for her. It was clear that those kinds of feelings would not be natural for Hosea, and therefore, God’s command to love his wife made it a matter of obedience to the LORD that caused Hosea to act appropriately toward his wife, not his own feelings.

The challenge for Hosea was that his wife had been sold into slavery and had to be purchased for more money than Hosea had available. It says of the transaction in Hosea 3:2, “So I bought her to me for fifteen pieces of silver, and for a homer of barley, and a half homer of barley.” Hosea spent all the money he had and also gave up necessary food for his family in order to obtain his wife’s freedom. If his wife had been loving and faithful to him, the transaction might have made sense, but Hosea’s wife was an adulteress that was probably married another man and had been sold to pay his debt.

The reference to Hosea’s wife as a harlot (Hosea 3:3) indicated that Gomer had become a prostitute. In that case, the purchase price Hosea paid could have been the amount owed on her contract for sexual service. Typically, slaves, even sexual slaves, could be redeemed by a family member for a set price. The total value of the silver and barley Hosea paid for Gomer was likely 30 shekels, the redemption value of a woman (note on Hosea 3:2, Leviticus 27:4). In essence, what Hosea was doing was buying back Gomer’s spiritual life, so that she was no longer obligated to server her “true” master, the devil.

The goal of Hosea’s redemption of his wife was to restore their relationship. If Hosea had merely brought his wife back into his house and not resumed their sexual activity, Gomer would have continued to be a slave rather than a wife to Hosea. She was not just a possession, but a member of the family, the mother of Hosea’s children. No doubt, Gomer felt shame after she returned to her home. Like Israel, it says in Hosea 4:19, “The wind hath bound her up in her wings, and they shall be ashamed because of their sacrifices.”

Friendship

My best friend’s name is Shawn. We met 15 years ago when I was going through my divorce. At that time, Shawn was the happiest person I had ever known. She had been divorced for several years and was about to start over with a wonderful man. When I met John, I could tell he loved Shawn very much. The two of them seemed to be perfectly suited to each other. John was the strong silent type and Shawn his faithful companion. A little over a year after they were married, John died of cancer.

Proverbs 17:17 tells us that “a friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Another way of saying all times would be in every circumstance or in every season of our lives. The word translated brother, ’ach (awkh) typically refers to a blood relative, but “in several passages, the word ach connotes ‘companion’ or ‘colleague’ – that is, a brother by choice” (251). When Solomon said that a brother is born for adversity, he was implying that in the most difficult times of our lives, our best friend is there for us. His or her friendship is meant for that purpose.

The thing that attracted me to Shawn, her happiness, is what kept me by her side when she lost her husband to cancer. It was hard to watch her go through such a difficult trial and even today she still suffers in some ways, but Shawn has a beautiful heart and cares so deeply for the people around her that you can hardly tell how broken she is inside. I wish I could say I chose Shawn to be my best friend because of her happiness, but really it was her suffering that made me love her more than I do my own sister.

Forgiveness

A significant flaw in my development as a Christian was a lack of forgiveness. Not only did I have a difficult time letting go of the past, but my physical and emotional wounds as a child and young teenager made me want to isolate myself rather than engage in healthy relationships. My marriage was a constant struggle because I had a tendency to keep track of my husband’s mistakes and would not give up trying to get my own way when we got into a conflict. Many times my husband got the cold shoulder when we went to bed because I was still angry from a fight we had.

Proverbs 10:12 contrasts two ways of dealing with conflict. It says, “hatred stirs up strifes: but love covereth all sins.” This verse refers particularly to the love between man and wife. Solomon indicates the choice to stir up strife or cover one’s sin is based on your feeling toward that person. The word translated hatred, sânê’ (saw – nay´) means to be unloved. “The word covers emotion ranging from bitter disdain to outright hatred (8130). Whereas love causes us to cover up or overlook an offence, hatred rouses us to action, it makes us want to fight.

If someone would have asked me, do you love your husband? I’m sure I would have said yes, but my behavior was consistent with hatred more than it was love. The problem with emotions is that they can be suppressed and hidden within the unconscious mind for many years. I didn’t actually feel a lot of what was going on inside of me while I was married. It wasn’t until I exploded that I realized I was angry and even then I sometimes blamed my anger on things that had nothing to do with the real issue.

Jealousy

The root cause of the conflict between Rick and I was jealousy. Although Rick was almost 40 and had never been married when we met, he was extremely attractive and had a way of connecting with women that made me wonder why he was still a bachelor. What I realized after I got to know him was that Rick fell in love with every woman he met and was unable to commit to being with just one person. If I wanted to be a part of his life, I would have to share Rick with all the other women that loved him just as much as I did.

Like me, Solomon’s lover wanted to be the only woman in his life. She said to him, “Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm” (Solomon 8:6). Women seem to be more inclined toward jealousy and have a hard time accepting the idea that it is possible to love more than one person. Solomon’s lover concluded, “For love is as strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave; the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame” (Solomon 8:6). It is very dangerous to fall in love with a man that cannot be faithful to one woman.

The reason jealousy is as cruel as the grave is because it can separate us from the one we love. When Rick left me, it broke my heart. It felt like I was dead or that I might die because of how miserable I was without him. But, as much as I wanted to be with him, I couldn’t bring myself to the point of accepting that Rick didn’t belong to me. Rick was not a possession, he was a man, free to love whomever he pleased.

Insecurity

A characteristic that attracted Rick to me, was my confidence. My job as a workshop facilitator reinforced his image of me as someone that commanded respect. What Rick didn’t know was that on the inside I was very insecure and I felt unworthy of his love. In spite of his constant affection, Rick was unable to convince me that his love was genuine and that I was the most important person in his life. Three weeks before our wedding, we had a huge argument and Rick abandoned me, leaving me at a time when I needed him most.

King Solomon described his love’s appearance many times in the Song of Solomon. It is clear Solomon perceived her to be a strong woman because he said of her, “Thy neck is like the tower of David builded for an armory, whereon there hang a thousand bucklers, all shields of mighty men” (Solomon 4:4). Solomon also used the word undefiled to describe his love, a term that means perfect and stresses moral integrity (8535). In spite of the respect Solomon showed his love, she did not feel secure in their relationship. On one occasion, Solomon abandoned his love because she had locked him out of their bedroom (Solomon 5:3-6).

Sexual intimacy between a man and woman is based on trust. It cannot be established or maintained if there is a feeling of insecurity in the relationship. The fight Rick and I had shortly before our wedding was due to my insecurity. I didn’t believe that he really loved me. In spite of his many demonstrations of love, I thought it was impossible for Rick to love me because I had been defiled when I was raped. What I needed to know was that Rick would never leave me or forsake me, but instead, he did.

Falling in love

Nine years ago I was blessed with the experience of falling in love with a wonderful man. I met Rick while I was on a business trip in another state. Ours was truly a whirlwind romance. On our second date, Rick took me to meet his family. Afterwards, it felt like my dream of finding a man that would love me had come true. I was so in love with Rick that when it came time to go home at the end of my trip, I could hardly think of anything but spending the rest of my life with him.

The Song of Solomon is the story of a woman that falls in love with king Solomon. The woman’s name is not given. Solomon refers to her as my love and says of her beauty, “Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair” (Solomon 1:15). After being introduced to Solomon’s household, Solomon’s lover states, “He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick with love” (Solomon 2:4-5). And then she gives this advice, “I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please” (Solomon 2:7).

Falling in love in not only an intense emotional experience, it is similar to coming down with a bad case of the flu, if you have to be separated from the one you love. You become weak. You can’t eat or sleep and your heart aches to be in his arms again. My long distance relationship with Rick was torture. It was all I could do to just get through each day. My only hope of survival was the thought of seeing him again on my next business trip.

I love you LORD

The hardest thing to do when you are in the middle of a trial is to believe everything will work out, that eventually the trial will be over and life will return to normal. In one sense, life does not return to normal because trials usually bring about change, either in the individual that is going through it or in the life of that person.

The trials that David experienced before he became king were transformational. As Christians, we know that there is an intentional effort on God’s part to transform us into the image of Jesus Christ. I believe the same is true of David. That is why David is such a good role model, someone that most Christians can relate to.

Some of the key problems that David had are the same problems that everyone has. In the psalms that David wrote, he shared his best and worst moments and did what no one else dared to; he admitted his failures and gave God the glory for all his victories.

The one thing that resonates throughout all of David’s psalms is his love relationship with the LORD. It is clear that David knew the LORD intimately and loved him more than anyone else.

The end

This blog is dedicated to my niece Stephanie who died of a drug overdose this past weekend. She was the victim of child sexual abuse and never recovered from her trauma.

It is hard to explain why Christians don’t always end up with a wonderful life, but there are at least two factors that can cause someone that has submitted his life to God to follow a pathway of self destruction. Everyone has a sin nature that is not changed when a person is transformed by the Holy Spirit and God will not force a person to obey him even if that person has been anointed for a particular job in God’s kingdom.

Saul’s life was derailed when he chose of his own free will to disobey God’s command. His position as king of Israel made him accountable for the destiny of the nation and therefore, God could not just let Saul go his own way. After he let Agag the king of the Amalekites live, God decided to replace Saul with a man whose heart was right toward him, a man who would seek to do God’s will instead of his own. David was a young shepherd when God called him to be king. His defeat of Goliath showed that he was willing to do anything to honor God before the enemies of Israel.

As a result of David’s success, Saul determined that he was a threat that needed to be eliminated. David was certain that Saul wanted to kill him, so he went to Jonathon, Saul’s son for help. David’s plea to Jonathon reveals the love between these two men and the anguish David felt that they could not be friends.

And David sware moreover, and said, Thy father certainly knoweth that I have found grace in thine eyes; and he saith, Let not Jonathon know this, lest he be grieved: but truly as the LORD liveth, and as thy soul liveth, there is but a step between me and death. (1 Samuel 20:3)

Jonathon’s love for David caused him to have to choose between his loyalty to his father and loyalty to David, the man he loved as his own soul (1 Samuel 18:1). After speaking to his father, “Jonathon knew that it was determined of his father to slay David” (1Samuel 20:33).

The word translated determined, kâlâh (kaw – law´) means to end (3615). In Saul’s case, kalah meant that he had made a firm decision. There was no way to change his mind. One of the ways the word kalah is used is to represent “coming to an end” or “the process of ending” (3615). When Saul decide to kill David, you could say it was the end or the process of ending his walk with the LORD. Saul had the potential to rule over Israel for ever, but his stubborn determination to go his own way ruined not only his future, but the future of his son Jonathon as well.

Made for each other

A central theme in the book of Ruth is relationships. Rather than food or clothing, abundance and loss is measured in the number of relationships one has. When she returns home from Moab, Naomi tells people that she “went out full” because she left with her husband and two sons, but is returning empty because all of them died in the land of Moab (Ruth 1:21). I think it is interesting that even though she brought her daughter in law Ruth back with her, Naomi still considers herself to be empty.

Naomi felt worthless because she didn’t have a husband or sons which were considered to be blessings from God. The quality of her relationships with her husband and sons is unknown, but when Naomi tells her daughters in law to return to the home of their parents, it says in Ruth 1:14 that “they lift up their voices and wept again: and Orpah kissed her mother in law; but Ruth clave unto her.”

The word clave or dâbaq (daw – bak´) in Hebrew is the same word that is used in Genesis 2:24 where is says that a man shall “leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife.” Ruth pleads with Naomi to not make her go back and even goes so far as to say “Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me” (Ruth 1:17). Similar to a marriage vow, Ruth is saying to her mother in law, till death do us part.

Ruth’s devotion does not seem to be of value to Naomi, perhaps because Ruth was a Moabitess, a foreigner and not a blood relative, but her willingness to leave her own country and family to be with Naomi is certainly commendable. Naomi blames her bitterness on God and believes her affliction is from his own hand. Not only does she not recognize Ruth’s value, she is missing the point that God has blessed her with a lifetime partner that is committed to taking care of her in spite of the personal sacrifice that requires.

“And Naomi had a kinsman of her husband’s; a mighty man of wealth, of the family of Elimelech; and his name was Boaz” (Ruth 2:1). The word translated kinsman, yâda‘ (yaw – dah´) means to know (3045). Naomi was related to Boaz by marriage, but what this verse is saying is that Naomi had a relationship with Boaz, she knew him personally. The interesting thing about this is that there is no mention of Naomi ever interacting with Boaz after she returns to Judah. It would seem reasonable for Naomi to contact Boaz, and if he was a wealthy man, to ask for his help, but Naomi doesn’t do that.

One of the Mosaic laws made provision for a widow to glean in the field of another so that she would not go hungry if she had no one to provide for her. Ruth takes the initiative to go into a field where corn is being harvested and by divine providence she ends up in the field of Boaz. During their first meeting, Boaz tells Ruth that he has instructed his men not to have any sexual contact with her. Ruth’s response indicates that what Boaz has done is not typical behavior. “Then she fell on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, and said unto him, Why have I found grace in thy eyes, that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing that I am a stranger” (Ruth 2:10).

The fact that Boaz, a mighty man of wealth, would show kindness to a Moabite who is gleaning in his field distinguishes him from not only the typical man, but perhaps any other man in Israel. Ruth describes Boaz’s action by saying that he has comforted her (Ruth 2:13). The word translated comforted, nâcham (naw – kham´) is the same word that is translated repented in Judges 21:15. One way of looking at what Boaz did would be that he gave his strength to Ruth. He attempted to make her feel like she was his equal and he raised her status in the eyes of others.

The reason why Boaz’s action qualifies as repentance is because he did the opposite of what would have been expected under the circumstances in order to achieve a more positive outcome. Boaz could have had Ruth thrown out of his field because she was a foreigner or told his female workers to stay away from her because she would be a bad influence on them. But instead, Boaz tells Ruth to stay close by his maidens, warns his young men not to touch her, and even invites Ruth to sit at his table at mealtime.

At the end of the harvest, Naomi seeks to arrange a marriage between Boaz and Ruth. She instructs Ruth to go to Boaz at night, just before he is laying down to go to sleep. The action Naomi wants Ruth to take is a type of marriage proposal. The way it is being presented to him makes it possible for Boaz to refuse and not embarrass Ruth because he has rejected her.

Ruth’s obedience to her mother in law demonstrates her trust and belief in the Jewish way of doing things. She is no longer acting like a Moabite or following the customs of her people. A clue that Ruth has truly been converted is that her actions are described as showing kindness. The Hebrew word checed (kheh´ – sed) is one of the most important words that is used to convey Old Testament theology (2617). Checed is representative of a deep, loving relationship. The word chesed is meant to convey a strong bond that keeps two people knit together, as in a marriage, but more from love that a legal obligation to stay together. Relationship is the basis for checed and personal involvement is what makes it possible for a person to show the extraordinary kindness that checed implies.

Boaz seems to be caught off guard when he wakes in the middle of the night and finds Ruth lying at his feet. It appears that the thought of matrimony has not crossed his mind, perhaps because as he explains to Ruth, “And now it is true that I am thy near kinsman: howbeit there is a kinsman nearer than I” (Ruth 3:12). When Naomi sent Ruth to Boaz, she knew that he did not have the ability to redeem her as his property. Based on Boaz’s behavior toward Ruth, Naomi may have assumed that he loved her and would want her to be his wife.

Boaz describes Ruth as a virtuous woman (Ruth 3:11). The word translated virtuous, chayil (khah´ – yil) means strength or power (2428). Chayil is often used in a military context and is associated with the word gibbôr (ghib – bore´) to describe a proven warrior (1368). What Boaz may have been implying when he referred to Ruth as a virtuous woman was that she was a good match for him, that they belonged together. Boaz is referred to as “a mighty man of wealth” in Ruth 2:1, which means that he had been successful in battle. Often times warriors took the spoils of their victories and were rewarded for the enemy territories they conquered. If Boaz claimed Ruth as his property, it would likely have established his dominance over her and inhibited her from feeling loved by him. Boaz gave Ruth the impression that she was his equal and her courage in leaving her country and coming to Judah was commendable.

“So Boaz took Ruth, and she was his wife: and when he went in unto her, the LORD gave her conception, and she bare a son” (Ruth 4:13). Boaz and Ruth were the great grandparents of king David. There was definitely a divine purpose for them to be married and have a child, but what stands out in the story of how their relationship developed is the mutual respect and admiration they had for each other. Unlike some of the other couples that contributed to the birth of Jesus, Boaz and Ruth typified the loving-kindness that God shows his children. You could say that Boaz and Ruth were made for each other and their marriage is a testament to God’s ability to work all things together for good “to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).