Of the many addictions I have had to deal with in my life, sexual addiction has been by far the most difficult to overcome. Like all addictions, there is a need for self-control, but with sexual addiction, there was also a problem with my heart. When I had sex with a stranger, I was emotionally detached from the experience. Therefore, I knew when it was over I could move on and not be hurt by the loss of connection. In order to overcome my addiction, I had to engage in sex with my emotions in tact.

Proverbs 24:30-34 talks about the man “void of understanding” that is unwilling to put forth any kind of effort to have a normal, happy life. The description void of understanding literally means a person without a heart or someone that is checked out, apathetic toward life. This man’s vineyard “was all grown over with thorns and nettles had covered the face thereof, and the stone wall thereof was broken down” (Proverbs 24:31). In the Song of Solomon, Shulamite uses a vineyard as a metaphor for her body and says “but mine own vineyard have I not kept” (Solomon 1:6) in reference to her ability to excite Solomon sexually.

Sexual excitement is based on emotion, whether we are aware of it or not. There’s no internal switch that can be turned on and off. When we don’t feel our emotions, it is because our heart has been broken or we have experienced some kind of trauma that has caused us to go numb. In order to overcome sexual addiction, my heart had to heal so that I would know when I was falling in love. Once I became aware of what was happening, I was able to control my emotions and stop myself from having inappropriate sexual encounters.