As a Christian, I thought I would be exempt from certain problems. One of my biggest fears about getting married was that I would end up like my parents, so I made sure that I married a Christian man thinking that would guarantee success. Little did I know that Christians are just like everyone else. They make mistakes and do stupid things, including committing adultery. When my brother asked me if I thought my husband would ever cheat on me, I said absolutely not! There is no way he could do something like that.

The Bible makes it clear that adultery is not so much about pleasure as it is about power and persuasion. Referring to an adulterous woman, it says in Proverbs 7:21, “with her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him.” The reference to force suggests an intentional effort to overcome resistance. In Proverbs 7:26 the use of force is more evident. It says, “for she hath cast down many wounded: yea, many strong men have been slain by her.” The word translated wounded, chalal “is often used to describe the defilement which results from illicit sexual acts” (2490).

Even though rape and adultery are very different in the way they take place, the effect is the same. When my husband told me he had sex with another woman, it felt like I had been violated. If I had known he was cheating on me, I would not have continued to have sex with him. So in a sense, because my husband kept his affair a secret so that I would continue to have sex with him, I felt he had tricked me. My participation in our sexual activity had taken place under false pretenses and therefore, was against my will.