What did I do to deserve this?

A woman that is truly a victim knows she has not done anything to deserve the mistreatment she gets from an offender. Many times a guilty conscience can cause doubt as to whether something was deserved or not. The second time I was raped, I did not feel I was a victim, but was getting the punishment I deserved for a previous wrong action. It almost felt good to be punished because it took away the guilt, but it made it difficult for me to feel anger toward the man that raped me and at that time, I was not sure if I wanted or should escape from what was happening to me.

Somewhere in between I know I don’t deserve this and this is all my fault is the question that never seems to get answered, what did I do to deserve this? David had a fail proof system for clarifying whether or not he deserved the treatment he was getting from king Saul and his army. David said in Psalm 7:8-9, “The LORD shall judge the people: Judge me, O LORD, according to my righteousness, and according to mine integrity that is in me. O let the wickedness of the wicked come to an end; but establish the just: for the righteous God trieth the hearts and reins.”

Basically, what David was saying was LORD, you be the judge. David knew it was pointless to judge himself, so he would turn every situation over to the LORD to work out according to his knowledge of David’s character and motives. The advantage to letting the LORD be the judge is that David did not ever live with guilt. He trusted that God was fair and just in dealing with his children and would not allow the wicked to triumph over the righteous. With regard to the wicked, David believed “His mischief shall return upon his own head, and his violent dealing shall come down on his own pate” (Psalm 7:16).

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