I feel so stupid

It’s hard to admit it when you’ve been tricked because you feel like a fool. My immediate reaction is to think, how could I have been so stupid? The problem with being tricked is you usually don’t realize it until it is too late or after experiencing the pain of having been taken advantage of.

Trickery is an intentional effort to deceive someone or to keep something hidden (6195). The Gibeonites tricked the Israelites into believing they were from a distant land so that a political agreement could be made that would prevent the Israelites from exterminating them along with the other inhabitants of the Promised Land. The word Joshua used to describe the Gibeonites action is râmâh (raw – maw´) which figuratively means to delude or betray (7411).

When I was 19, I worked in an office building in downtown San Diego. One day, when I arrived at work, there was a man standing next to the curb outside my building. As I entered, he followed me into the elevator and quickly pushed the button for a floor beneath the level we were on. When we started going up to the floor I worked on, the man became upset and told me he needed to get to the bottom floor quickly because there was a man injured in the stairwell. He pleaded with me to come and help and eventually convinced me that helping the injured man was much more important than me getting to work on time.

When we entered the bottom of the stairwell, the man pulled out a knife and forced me into a small closet beneath the stairs where he raped me while holding the knife to my throat. Afterwards, he told me there was a man waiting outside to kill me if I told anyone about what he had done. I was to wait five minutes to give him enough time to get away without being seen and then go to my office and act as if nothing had happened.

It’s hard to say which makes me more angry about what the man did to me that day, tricking me into going into the stairwell with him or raping me after I agreed to help him take care of the injured man.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s