conflict

A bitter ending

In Psalm 5, David reveals his attitude toward Absalom and makes it clear that he did not want Absalom’s life spared, but believed that it was God’s responsibility and not his own to punish Absalom for his wicked deeds. In reference to Absalom’s deceitful tactics, David said, “Thou shalt destroy them that speak leasing: The LORD will abhor the bloody and deceitful man” (Psalm 5:6).

David was able to differentiate between the feelings he had for his son and the contempt he felt for the man that stole the hearts of David’s followers. Although David loved his son Absalom, he did not want God to go easy on him. David prayed, “Destroy thou them, O God: Let them fall by their own counsel; cast them out in the multitude of their transgressions; for they have rebelled against thee” (Psalm 5:10).

I believe the reason David commanded that Absalom’s life be spared (2 Samuel 18:5) was so that he would have the opportunity to confront Absalom as Nathan the prophet had confronted him(2 Samuel 12:7). It is possible that Absalom would have repented and restored his relationship with his father. The conflict between the two men was never resolved and as a result of Joab killing Absalom, David didn’t get the chance to tell his son how he felt about him (2 Samuel 18:33).

Family conflicts are complicated because of the feelings that are involved in intimate relationships. Although David probably didn’t fully understand why Absalom rebelled, he knew that the young man was angry about how his sister’s rape was handled. Absalom loved his sister Tamar and had tried to honor her by killing the man that had raped her. Unfortunately, David’s leniency toward Absalom’s act of revenge opened the door for him to gain an advantage and attempt to dethrone the king.

Divine intervention

“And he bowed the heart of all the men of Judah, even as the heart of one man: so that they sent this word unto the king, Return thou, and all thy servants” (2 Samuel 19:14). David’s return to Jerusalem after the death of Absalom was the result of a sovereign act of God. The word translated bowed, nâtâh (naw – taw´) means to stretch or spread out (5186). It is a picture of God extending his hand in order to accomplish something.

God does not always intervene in the lives of men, but he does control the outcome of events over time. God’s involvement in the affairs of men is a sign of his power (5186). As the creator of the universe, he does not just watch or oversee what is going on, he engages in activity that keeps the process going until a particular goal is achieved.

David’s return to Jerusalem was a sign that all was well again. The conflict was over. The word translated return, shûwb (shoob) means to turn back. “The basic meaning of the verb is a movement back to the point of departure” (7725). Although it is clear that David was returning to the city he had left sometime earlier, the significance of his return was greater. I believe his return signaled a return or restoration of his life from the point in time when he sinned against Uriah (2 Samuel 11:15).

The death of Absalom marked the end of a chapter in David’s life that had caused conflict in his family and in his country. Even though things had not reach the point of chaos, there was a great disturbance when Absalom attempted to take the throne from his father. The people of Israel lost confidence in David and were unsure of God’s will for their nation (2 Samuel 19:9-10). God’s involvement was necessary to restore order.

It says in 2 Samuel 19:9 that, “all the people were at strife throughout all the tribes of Israel.” The word translated strife, dûwn (doon) means to rule (1777). This word is comparable to the words adon and adonay which mean sovereign, Lord, and master (113, 136). If you think of strife in terms of conflict or a fight amongst people, it marks the point when an umpire is needed to settle the dispute. In Israel’s case, it marked the point when God needed to step in and make it clear that David was still his chosen leader of their nation.

Unfortunately, only the tribe of Judah was given the opportunity to welcome David back into the country and the other tribes of Israel did not appreciate being left out. “And the men of Israel answered the men of Judah, and said, We have ten parts in the king, and we have also more right in David than ye: why then did ye despise us, that our advice should not be first had in bringing back our king?” (2 Samuel 19:43). In spite of David’s return to the throne, there was not a complete restoration of peace to the nation of Israel. The damage that was done by Absalom’s revolt left a permanent mark on David’s reputation as king and a crack in the foundation of Israel as a nation. The peace the nation experienced when David was at the peak of his career (2 Samuel 10:19), seemed to be lost when Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel (2 Samuel 15:6).

He stole their hearts

And it came to pass after forty years, that Absalom said unto the king, I pray thee, let me go and pay my vow, which I have vowed unto the LORD, in Hebron. For thy servant vowed a vow while I abode at Geshur in Syria, saying, If the LORD shall bring me again indeed to Jerusalem, then will I serve the LORD. (2 Samuel 15:7-8)

The vow that Absalom vowed was that he would replace David as king of Israel. He had spent 40 years preparing for the day when he would take over and his conspiracy would be played out. It says in 2 Samuel 15:6 that “Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel.” Basically, what Absalom did was deceive the people into believing that he cared about them more than David did, that he was the best man to be their king.

In order to avoid physical combat, David fled Jerusalem and left Absalom in charge of the nation.. “And David went up by the ascent of mount Olivet, and wept as he went up, and had his head covered, and he went barefoot: and all the people that was with him covered every man his head, and they went up, weeping as they went up” (2 Samuel 15:30).

During his ministry, Jesus went up mount Olivet, also known as the mount of Olives, to teach his disciples. The mount of Olives afforded a spectacular view of the desert of Judea to the east and Jerusalem to the west. After his resurrection, Jesus’ disciples met with him on the mount called Olivet and asked him, “Lord, wilt thou at this time restore again the kingdom to Israel?” (Acts 1:6). The earthly kingdom that David established never came to fruition as was expected. Although Solomon, David’s successor, enjoyed prosperity and peace, there was never a time after David’s reign when Israel was not threatened by foreign domination.

Just before his ascension, Jesus said, “It is not for you to know the times or the seasons, which the Father hath put in his own power” (Act 1:7). It is expected that one day Jesus will return to earth and establish the kingdom that David was not able to. Even though David was returned to power, his influence over the people was destroyed when Absalom stole their hearts and became their temporary king (2 Samuel 15:6, 37).

Unbroken

“And the time that David was king in Hebron over the house of Judah was seven years and six months” (2 Samuel 2:11). The seven and a half years that David reigned in Hebron were filled with conflict. A power struggle between David and Saul’s son Ish-bosheth was fueled by Abner’s refusal to give up his position as captain of Saul’s army. Over time, the conflict took a toll on David and at the low point of his effort to take control of the entire nation, David wrote Psalm 77.

David said, “In the day of my trouble I sought the LORD; my sore ran in the night and ceased not: My soul refused to be comforted. I remembered God, and was troubled. I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed. Selah” (Psalm 77:2-3). David was no doubt describing a sleepless night in which he tossed and turned and could not rest. His descriptive words make it clear that he was at a breaking point, unable to reconcile his situation with his vision of becoming king.

Psalm 77 captures a turning point in David’s struggle. After asking the questions, Hath God forgotten to be gracious? and Hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies?, David forces himself to focus on God’s previous track record of delivering his people. David said, “I will remember the works of the LORD: Surely I will remember the wonders of old. I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings” (Psalm 77:11-12).

The things David likely remembered were the plagues God brought on Egypt in order to deliver his people and his parting of the Red Sea when the Israelites were being chased by Pharaoh and his army. God used miracles to draw attention to his deliverance of his people so that his name would become famous throughout the world. David asked the rhetorical question, “Who is so great a God as our God?” as a reminder that nothing was impossible with God.

David’s breaking point became a turning point because he did not forget God’s promise. God’s promises are not like the promises we make. God’s word cannot be broken. Whenever God speaks, it is as if a promise is being made and divine power is released in order accomplish what has been spoken. The creation of the world is the best example of the power in God’s words. “And God said, Let there be light: and there was light” (Genesis 1:3).

Ask God

“And it came to pass after this, that David inquired of the LORD, saying, Shall I go up into any of the cities of Judah? And the LORD said unto him, Go up” (2 Samuel 2:1). I think there are two reasons why Christians don’t ask God what they should do: 1) they are afraid God won’t answer them, and 2) they won’t like the answer if they get one.

It is only the Christian that intends to obey that usually asks God what to do. David did not ask God about everything. He didn’t need to. David knew the will of God for his life and only asked about things that might help or hinder him from doing what he already knew God wanted him to do. After Saul’s death, David knew it was time for him to be king, but he didn’t know if the people were ready to follow him.

David did not want to get into a power struggle with Saul’s army. After he asked the LORD if he should go up to Judah, he asked the LORD, “Whither shall I go up? And he said, Unto Hebron” (2 Samuel 2:1). Hebron was a city of refuge. It was originally allotted to Caleb because of his faithfulness in giving a good report after the first expedition to spy out the Promised Land while it was still occupied by Israel’s enemies. Hebron was home to the Anakim, giants that had dwelt in the land for hundreds of years. Caleb had defeated the Anakim and made it possible for the Israelites to live there safely. As a city of refuge, it was designated for the safety of anyone that was wrongly accused of a crime or someone that had committed manslaughter could avoid being killed by his victim’s avenger by living in a city of refuge until the death of the high priest.

While David was in Hebron, there was a war between Israel and Judah. Saul’s son Ish-bosheth became king of Israel and David was anointed king over the house of Judah. Abner, the captain of Saul’s army made Ish-bosheth king so that he could remain in control and continue pursuing David. But after Ish-bosheth turned against him, Abner went to David seeking an alliance. “Make league with me, and behold, my hand shall be with thee, to bring about all Israel unto thee” (2 Samuel 3:12).

One of the principles behind the cities of refuge was letting God handle the matter for you, to let him bring about justice in his time. In essence, when a person fled to a city of refuge, he was declaring God to be his refuge or protector and sought safety rather than conflict in times of trouble. Many of David’s psalms declared the LORD to be his refuge. God’s answer to go unto Hebron was his way of saying he was going to take care of David, that he would handle the matter.

David’s final words regarding the power struggle that took place after Saul’s death are recorded in 2 Samuel 3:39. “And I am this day weak, though anointed king; ad these men of Zeruiah be too hard for me: the LORD shall reward the doer of evil according to his wickedness.”

Take my life

Family conflict may be the hardest to deal with because it can be very personal. Some family conflicts go on for years, even decades or entire lifetimes. In some instances, conflicts are generational and resolution seems impossible. The Israelites’ family conflict centered around the fact that Jacob had two wives, one that he loved and one that he didn’t. The wife that Jacob loved, Rachel had two sons, Joseph and Benjamin.

When Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers, Jacob became so attached to Benjamin that he wouldn’t let him out of his sight. Rachel died giving birth to Benjamin, so his father became his primary parent and no doubt had a strong influence on his personality and character.

The tribe of Benjamin grew very strong in the Promised Land. His favored status in the family may have caused Benjamin’s descendants to become prideful and what my grandma used to call, a little too big for his britches. The men who raped the Levite’s concubine were from the tribe of Benjamin and so there was a confrontation to have the men handed over so they could be punished, but the Benjamites wouldn’t do it and decided to go to war instead.

The children of Benjamin had 26,000 men in their army and “among all this people there were seven hundred chosen men lefthanded: every one could sling stones at a hair breadth, and not miss” (Judges 20:16). The men of the tribe of Benjamin’s army are described as men of valour, which means they were very powerful. They were probably not only physically strong, but smart and able to conduct themselves well in battle. They must have been very confident because “the men of Israel, beside Benjamin, were numbered four hundred thousand men that drew the sword: all these were men of war” (Judges 20:17).

The battle between Benjamin and the rest of the children of Israel lasted three days. The first two days, the Benjamites had the upper hand and killed 40,000 of their brethren. On the third day, God delivered the children of Benjamin into the hands of their brothers, 25,000 men were killed and their cities were set on fire.

The result was the purging of sin from among God’s people. The cost of the battle, 65,000 lives for the rape of one woman, seems rather high, but it demonstrates the importance of holiness to God. It is not surprising then that he gave his only begotten son to cleanse the entire world of all sin. Thank you Jesus!

A matter of the heart

The expression, he has a good heart is usually used to describe someone that is kind, thoughtful, and loving toward others. The heart is said to be the seat of emotions and it can be the source of motives, feelings, affections, and desires (3820). It is the heart that enables us to love, and hate, and develop a relationship with God When our heart is wounded, it affects our ability to connect with people and may cause us to turn away from God because we cannot related to him.

A characteristic that is connected to the heart is courage. In one sense, to be courageous means to be strong, whether in physical strength or something called fortitude which is the will to press forward or through with something. There are many accounts of people that have acted courageously and performed supernatural feats to rescue or protect someone that did not have the physical strength to do so.

I think most people assume Samson was a big, burly man that looked like a sumo wrestler or a professional weight lifter. The only thing recorded about Samson’s appearance is that he was a Nazarite from birth and therefore, he never cut his hair. The source of Samson’s strength was unknown to everyone except Samson and perhaps his parents. It is possible that Samson assumed his strength came from being a Nazarite, when in actuality, it was his relationship with God that enabled him to overpower the Philistines and perform mighty acts to defeat them.

To be a Nazarite means to be separated or consecrated to God. It is similar to the virginity of a woman in that virginity is a sign of purity and is intended to keep a woman separated or consecrated to her husband until they are married. In a way, you could say that a Nazarite’s heart belongs to God and he is not free to love anyone else but God during his time of consecration which in Samson’s case was his entire lifetime.

It says in Judges 16:4 that Samson “loved a woman, in the valley of Sorek, whose name was Delilah.” Delilah was a Philistine and she agreed to find out the source of Samson’s strength so that the Philistines could bind him and afflict him. “And Delilah said unto Samson, Tell me, I pray thee, wherein thy great strength lieth, and wherewith thou mightest be bound to afflict thee” (Judges 16:6).

The word translated afflict, ‘ânâh (aw – naw´) means to be bowed down, be humbled. ‘Anah often expresses harsh and painful treatment” (6031). One of the ways the word ‘anah is used is to express the act of rape. “To take a woman sexually by force may be ‘to humble’ her” (6031) as was the case with Jacob’s daughter Dinah. It is believed that the Philistines sought revenge against Samson and intended to kill him after a prolonged period of torture. Delilah’s request to know the source of Samson’s strength so that he could be afflicted was a straight forward attempt to take advantage of his love for her and to determine if he was even willing to die for her.

Isaiah 53:3-4 says of the Messiah “He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief…Yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.” Jesus also told his followers that they would be delivered up “to be afflicted” and would be hated by everyone in the world because they identified themselves with his name.

Not many people would agree that if you are a Christian, you should expect to be afflicted, to receive harsh and painful treatment for no reason other than you are a follower of Jesus Christ. Perhaps you have taken a vow of chastity and are being tormented by your friends because you won’t do what everyone else is, having sex outside of marriage. The most common group of women to be targeted by sexual predators is young virgins who will experience rape as their first sexual encounter with a man.

When Samson’s soul was vexed unto death by Delilah’s daily pleading and nagging, he finally “told her all his heart” (Judges 16:17). Immediately, Delilah called the Philistine leaders and told them Samson’s weakness had been revealed.

After Samson is imprisoned by the Philistines, he seeks one last opportunity to gain strength so that he can be avenged. He prays that God will remember him and strengthen him. Samson’s two-fold request indicates that he is no longer relying on his Nazarite vow for power. The interesting thing about Samson’s prayer is that the LORD didn’t answer it. It is believed that Samson was able to topple the house where three thousand Philistines were gathered because his hair had begun to grow back while he was in prison. But, I think it is more likely that Samson’s courage returned because he sought to restore his relationship with the LORD.

The word used for strength in Samson’s prayer, châzaq (khaw – zak´) is the same word that was used when the LORD said he would harden Pharaoh’s heart so that he would not let his people go. Samson knew that he sinned by telling Delilah all that was in his heart. It says in Judges 16:20 that Samson thought he would be able to escape like he had at previous times, but “he wist not that the LORD was departed from him.” Samson was on his own when he suffered torture at the hands of the Philistines and his desire to be avenged had nothing to do with God’s plan to deliver the Israelites from Philistine rule. His heart was hardened after being afflicted and he thought the LORD had left him for good. He wanted to die because the sorrow and pain in his heart were too much for him to bare.

In the last moments of his life, Samson reached out to God and God was there, just not in the way Samson expected him to be. God didn’t harden Samson’s heart, he gave him courage. I think Samson believed he was forgiven and would be able to bring down the house with his bare hands. “And he bowed himself with all his might; and the house fell upon the lords, and upon all the people that were therein” (Judges 16:30).

How could you?

In dysfunctional and abusive relationships, you often see people doing things that hurt someone they do or at least should love. For instance, husbands that beat their wives or parents that sexually abuse their children,. Victims of abuse may start acting like slaves or prisoners that have no ability to fight back because they are used to being overpowered and perceive their enemies as rulers over their lives.

Samson’s supernatural strength was a mechanism God used to show the Israelites that they could break free from the tyranny of the Philistines. When Samson’s wife was given to one of his companions, Samson avenged himself by setting fire to the city’s corn supply. Instead of going after Samson, the Philistines went to the men of Judah and beat them up. “Then three thousand men of Judah went to the top of the rock Etam, and said to Samson, knowest thou not that the Philistines are rulers over us? what is this that thou hast done unto us?” (Judges 15:11).

Basically, the men of Judah were saying, how could you? They were blaming Samson for their beating from the Philistines and making it seem as if Samson had no right to stand up to them. Instead of mustering an army and going to war with the Philistines, they gathered together 3000 men to bind Samson and deliver him to their enemies.

Samson’s supernatural strength was not something he got from working out. In fact, it was not even his own strength that enabled him to do what he was able to do. Whenever Samson got into a conflict with the Philistines, he received help from God, he became powerful because God’s spirit came upon him.

It says when the Philistines shouted against Samson, “the spirit of the LORD came mightily upon him” (Judges 15:14). The word translated spirit, rûwach, (roo´ – akh) means wind or breath, such as in exhalation. “It is clear that the wind is regarded in Scripture as a fitting emblem of the mighty penetrating power of God. Moreover, the breath is supposed to symbolize not only the deep feelings that are generated within man, such as sorrow and anger; but also kindred feelings in the Divine nature” (7307).

The decision of the men of Judah to bind Samson and hand him over to the Philistines must have caused sorrow and anger in Samson. He was doing God’s will when he stood up to the Philistines and so God helped him to escape before the Philistines got their hands on him. After Samson was free from the ropes the men of Judah used to bind him, it says “he found a new jawbone of an ass, and put forth his hand, and took it, and slew a thousand men therewith” (Judges 15:15). What it doesn’t say is who he killed, the men of Judah or the Philistines?

It doesn’t make sense

I can’t think of a life more tragic than the life of Samson. If I had to pick one word to describe it, I would have to say Samson’s life was stupid. That is probably because I don’t understand it. It doesn’t make sense to me. One of the first things recorded about Samson’s life is that he chose a wife of the daughter of the Philistines and “it was of the LORD” (Judges 14:4). How could it be God’s will for a man like Samson, a man separated unto God, a Nazarite from a miraculous birth, to marry a woman from an enemy country?

The only explanation given is that the LORD sought an occasion, which means he was looking for an opportunity, that there was some purpose for Samson to marry this woman because “at that time the Philistines had dominion over Israel” (Judges 14:4). I think Samson knew what he was doing. Even though there is little information given about the situation, it appears the LORD directed Samson to the woman and Samson was acting in obedience to the LORD when he asked his father to get her for him to be his wife.

A tactic that Samson used to gain an advantage over his Philistine companions was to “put forth a riddle” to them (Judges 14:12). It seems kind of strange that days before his wedding Samson would want to insult the members of his wedding party, but it is clear Samson was not trying to win them over. In fact, he may have been trying to start a fight.

The issue that started the conflict may have been a custom of the Philistines that required the groom to supply everyone in the wedding party or what was referred to as his companions, with a set of wedding clothes. It says of Samson in Judges 14:11, when they saw him, that they brought thirty companions to be with him.” I don’t know what was typical in that day, but 30 seems like a lot of companion. The reward for solving the riddle was thirty sheets and thirty changes of garments, so it could have been that Samson intended that if they didn’t solve the riddle, they would have to pay him back for the wedding clothes he had provided them with.

The part of the story that doesn’t make sense is that when the companions went to Samson’s wife to find out the answer to the riddle, they threatened to burn her and her family to death, so Samson told her the answer to the riddle. This seems like a lot of drama over 30 changes of clothes. I can’t help but wonder why did the conflict become so heated and why Samson gave in to his wife’s plea if he was trying to teach the Philistines a lesson?

The Philistines gained dominion over the Israelites not because they were strong, but because they were smart. I believe Samson put forth a riddle to his companions for two reasons, first to demonstrate he could out smart them, and second because he wanted them to find out that he had killed a lion with his bare hands. He wanted them to know about his supernatural strength.

The answer to Samson’s riddle was a two-part question: 1) What is sweeter than honey?, and 2) What is stronger than a lion? The answer to the second question was obvious, Samson was stronger than a lion because he killed one in the vineyards of Timnath. The answer to the first question was not so obvious. What is sweeter than honey?…revenge?

Mind your own business

One of the signs of a dysfunctional family is everybody getting into everybody else’s business. There always seems to be at least one instigator who spends all his time finding out what everyone is doing and spreading the news to others. Whether you want to think of them as busy bodies, gossips, or trouble makers, they feel it is their job to keep everyone informed.

My family is no different than any other. Our instigator happened to be the grandma with too much time on her hands. She thought she was doing the family a service, but in reality, she was just stirring the pot and perpetuating conflict. I believe the instigator in our family was motivated by a need to be the center of attention and a deep concern for the well being of her family. In a sense, you could say she was a worry wart that was not able to trust God for her family’s protection.

The men of Ephraim appear to be the instigators among the children of Israel. On two occasions, they asked why they had not been contacted regarding battle plans. Jephthah’s response to their question “Wherefore passedst thou over to fight against the children of Ammon, and didst not call us to go with thee?” (Judges 12:1) my have been sarcastic because he uses a different word for call when he says “I and my people were in great strife with the children of Ammon; and when I called you, ye delivered me not out of their hands” (Judges 12:2).

The word Jephthah used for called, zâ‘aq (zaw – ak´) is typically used in reference to crying out to God for deliverance. “Its first occurrence is in the record of the Israelites bondage in Egypt” (2199). There is a distinct difference between za‘aq which refers to divine aid and qârâ (kaw – raw´) which “signifies the specification of a name” (7121). So Jephthah may have been trying to make a point: I didn’t call you because only God has the ability to deliver us from our enemies.

“Then Jephthah gathered together all the men of Gilead, and fought with Ephraim: and the men of Gilead smote Ephraim…and there fell at that time of the Ephraimites forty and two thousand” (Judges 12:4, 5). Family conflicts are sometimes necessary and can serve a purpose, but often the damage is not worth it. The loss of 42,000 men was significant. The Ephraimites might have been better off to mind their own business.