The good wife

Very little of the Bible focuses on the lives of women. There are only two short books, Esther and Ruth, completely dedicated to the lives of women. Therefore, Proverbs 31:10-31 is an important portion of scripture because it clearly portrays the characteristics of a godly woman. What surprises me the most about the description is that it is so contrary to what I have seen and been taught in the churches I have attended. Perhaps that is why this section of Proverbs 31 begins with the question, Who can find a virtuous woman?

The Hebrew word translated virtuous in Proverbs 31:10 is chayil (khah´ – yil). It is the same word translated strength in Proverbs 31:3 where it says, “Give not thy strength unto women.” “Chayil means strength; power; wealth; property; capable; valiant; army; troops; influential; upper-class people. This word signifies a faculty or ‘power,’ the ability to effect or produce something. This word is used of physical ‘strength’ in the sense of power that can be exerted (2428). Most people think of power in the context of a position that one holds, such as President of the United States, but the context of power in the virtuous woman is work, physical labor. The only woman in the Bible associated with chayil is Ruth, who worked in the field of Boaz to support herself and her mother-in-law Naomi, a widowed Israelite.

It says of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31:17, “She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms” and in verse 25, “strength and honour are her clothing.” Some of the activities of the virtuous woman are “working willingly with her hands (vs 13); she considereth a field, and buyeth it (vs 16); she maketh fine linen, and selleth it (vs 24); she openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness” (vs 26). I think an appropriate one-word description of the virtuous woman is industrious or prosperous. It is important to note that the virtuous woman is a wife and mother. It says in Proverbs 31 that “the heart of her husband doth safely  trust in her” (vs 11) and “her children arise up, and call her blessed” (vs 28).

One of the misconceptions I had when I was married was that a good wife’s primary responsibility was to take care of her husband’s sexual needs. My ex-husband once told me the reason that he married me was so he wouldn’t have to pay for sex. Today, it seems like most women are concerned with the way they look; attracting a man sexually is very important to them. It says in Proverbs 31:30 that “favour is deceitful and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.” If I ever get married again, I want to be a good wife, but instead of focusing on my sexy 60 year old body, I expect the man I marry to be impressed with the balance in my bank account.

Strength

Proverbs 31 is attributed to king Lemuel’s mother. The name translated Lemuel means “belonging to God” and is believed to be a symbolic name of Solomon (3927). If so, then the prophecy came from Bath-sheba, the woman king David had an affair with. Proverbs 31 deals with the role of women in Solomon’s life. In verses 2 – 3, Solomon’s mother warns him against having a large harem and sexual immorality. “What, my son?  and what, the son of my womb? and what, the son of my vows. Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.” Repetition of the what question three times indicates a tone of rebuke and concern for Solomon’s awareness of his problem. Today we might say something like, What are you doing? Have you lost your mind?

Solomon’s approach to marriage was to treat it like a business transaction. Many of his wives were acquired by forming alliances with neighboring nations. In order to maintain peace, Solomon lived a double life. Three times a year, Solomon offered burnt offerings and peace offerings on the altar he built for the LORD (1 Kings 9:25), but he also “went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Zidonians” (1 Kings 11:5) and built a high place for Chemosh, the abomination of Moab (1 Kings 11:7). Solomon’s compromise resulted in the LORD taking away the majority of the kingdom from David’s descendants (1 Kings 11:11-13).

The  phrase that Solomon’s mother used, “give not thy strength unto women” (Proverbs 31:3) implies that Solomon’s wives were given power or control over the nation of Israel. In some way, they were influencing the course of Israel’s history. From an extreme perspective, Solomon’s foreign wives erased many of king David’s accomplishments. David and his army fought many years to gain control over Israel’s enemies. Solomon’s decision to worship his foreign wives’ gods made it seem as if his strength was coming from multiple sources and God was no longer calling the shots.

The whole story

The author of Proverbs 30 states “Every word of God is pure: He is a shield unto them that put their trust in him Add thou not unto his words lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar” (Proverbs 30:5-6). The topics covered in the Bible are extensive. I think it is safe to assume that any circumstance that we may encounter in life is dealt with in the Bible. The reason why God’s word is recorded is because he is the ultimate authority on everything pertaining to life. That is why his word is referred to as pure. It is qualified to do the work it is intended to (6884).

The work that God’s word is intended to do is protect us. Life is filled with unpredictable and unexpected situations that we often have to deal with in the moment, without the advice of an expert. If we knew what was coming, we might be able to prepare ourselves or learn enough to avoid making a mistake, but the most difficult circumstances seem to come immediately, without any warning.

Agur’s warning to “add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar” (Proverbs 30:6) has to do with Moses’ command to the Israelites shortly before they entered the Promised Land. In essence, Moses told the people that God’s word was like a legal contract, each of his promises were like an article or clause that was legally binding. If anything was added that God did not agree to, it could make the contract null and void, which is what happened and why Jesus made a new covenant or contract when he came to the earth.

Some people think the Old Testament is invalid, it does not apply to Christians. That is probably why from a prophetic standpoint Agur, the author of Proverbs 30, was led to say that “every word of God is pure” (vs. 5). Even though the Old Testament does not necessarily apply to Christians, it contains valuable lessons about the mistakes the Israelites made. Like parents that provide us with examples of all the wrong things to do, so the Israelites’ failures are relevant lessons that God teaches us using real life examples.

Preview of coming attraction

Solomon’s wisdom was recognized by everyone as a gift from God. It says in 2 Chronicles 9:23, “And all the kings of the earth sought the presence of Solomon, to hear his wisdom, that God had put in his heart.” The Hebrew word translated wisdom, chokmâh (khok – maw´) is derived from the word châkam (khaw – kam´) which means to be wise. “This word represents the discernment of good and evil, prudence in secular matters, skill in arts, and experience in Divine things. It is moral rather than intellectual; it is the adaptation of what we know to what we have (and ought) to do” (2449).

Chokmah or wisdom “is the knowledge and the ability to make right choices at the opportune time. The consistency of making the right choices is an indication of maturity and development” (2451). Solomon may have prayed for wisdom because he was young and inexperienced when he became king. His father’s sins of adultery and murder must have made Solomon fearful of making the same kinds of mistakes. Even though Solomon sinned by marrying foreign wives, his moral track record was impressive considering the wealth and resources he had access to.

The wisdom that Solomon received is compared to the fruit of the Spirit that is manifested in the lives of believers (2451). It is remarkable to think that any and every Christian can be as wise as Solomon was. The apostle Paul said, “walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lusts of the flesh” (Galatians 5:16). Although it does not state specifically that Solomon was filled with the Holy Spirit, it is possible that the reference to his wisdom, “that God put in his heart” (2 Chronicles 9:23) meant that he was indwelt by the Spirit just as believers are today.

Extremes

Wisdom does not keep us from committing sin. Sometimes people say, if I knew then what I know now, I would have done things differently, implying that you will make better choices as you grow wiser. The truth of the matter is that we make bad choices because we have a sin nature or tendency to sin, not because we are stupid and don’t know any better.

Solomon, the wisest man that ever lived, disobeyed God by marrying multiple foreign wives. It says in 1 Kings 11:3 that Solomon “had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart.” Initially, Solomon was committed to the LORD God of Israel who appeared to him on two separate occasions (1 Kings 11:9), but when Solomon was recognized by the people for his gifts of leadership, wisdom and justice (2205), he began to care more about pleasing his wives that he did about pleasing God (1 Kings 11:4).

The interesting thing about Solomon’s situation was that Solomon’s disobedience wasn’t punished. When David committed adultery with Bath-Sheba, the child that was conceived died shortly after he was born. Solomon’s disobedience continued throughout his life, to the extreme that he accumulated 1000 wives and concubines, a direct violation of God’s command (Deuteronomy 17:17).

Deuteronomy 17:14-20 makes it clear that God knew in advance that Solomon would turn away from him and may even have set up or prearranged the situation by giving Solomon extreme wealth. In ancient times, the number of wives a man had was closely tied to his wealth. From a cultural perspective, it was appropriate for Solomon to have an outrageous number of wives because he was the wealthiest man on earth. The problem was that Solomon had foreign wives that wanted to keep worshipping their own gods and Solomon let them.

In says in 1 Kings 11:9 that “the LORD was angry with Solomon, because his heart was turned from the LORD God of Israel, which had appeared unto him twice.” The word translated turned, natah “connotes ‘extending something outward and toward’  something or someone…This is a figure of God’s active, sovereign, and mighty involvement in the affairs of men. So this phrase means ‘to stretch out’ something until is reaches a goal” (5186).

God had a purpose for allowing Solomon’s disobedience to continue unpunished. It may have been that God wanted Israel to see that they could be like everyone else, enjoy  peace and prosperity, but they would be miserable without him at the center of their lives (Ecclesiastes 12:8).

 

 

The preacher

The queen of Sheba represents a fulfillment of God’s plan to use the Israelites to make himself known throughout all the earth (Exodus 9:16). “When the queen of Sheba heard of the fame of Solomon concerning the name of the LORD, she came to prove him with hard questions” (1 Kings 10:1). The word translated prove, nacah means to test (5254). The queen of Sheba wanted to know God and so she went to see for herself if Solomon was speaking the truth, if he really knew God in a personal way.

As a result of her visit, the queen of Sheba became a believer. It says in 1 Kings 10:6-7, “she said to the king, It was a true report that I heard in mine own land of thy acts and of thy wisdom. Howbeit I believed not the words, until I came, and mine eyes had seen it.” The word translated believed, aman is the same word used in Genesis 15:6 where it says that Abraham “believed in the LORD.” The queen of Sheba “communed” with Solomon (1 Kings 10:2). She and Solomon had a lengthy conversation about spiritual matters. Solomon revealed to her spiritual truths that opened her heart to God.

During the queen of Sheba’s visit, I believe Solomon was in the role of preacher and it is possible that the book of Ecclesiastes is a record of what Solomon shared with her during their time together. At the end of the book of Ecclesiastes, Solomon talks about having a relationship with God. He said in Ecclesiastes 12:1, “Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth” and after depicting the process of aging stated, “the spirit shall return unto God who gave it” (Ecclesiastes 12:7). Solomon’s emphasis of life lived apart from God in the book of Ecclesiastes and his conclusion that a relationship with God is necessary indicates that he was trying to convert whoever he was speaking to and he was successful in doing that with the queen of Sheba.

 

Turn it off

After my ex-husband told me he was having an affair, I was an emotional wreck for about a year. We spent many hours talking, going over the details of what had happened. In spite of our effort to straighten things out, I struggled to understand what had happened and why he had done it. At one point, my ex-husband told me I needed to just “get over it,” so we could move on.

Solomon said, “Therefore, remove sorrow from thy heart, and put away evil from thy flesh: for childhood and youth are vanity” (Ecclesiastes 11:10). The word translated remove, sûwr (soor) means “to turn off” (5493). The implication being that we can control our emotions if we want to.

Looking back at my situation, I can see now that my ex-husband’s advice was biblical. There was no way to make sense of what happened and understanding the reason why it happened didn’t lessen the pain, it actually made it worse. Although it seemed impossible at the time, I could have stopped thinking about  it and the emotions I felt would have eventually gone away.

Accidents happen

Several months ago, I was in a car accident. It happened on a road that I travel almost everyday. I had made hundreds, if not thousands of trips on that road and never had a problem until the day someone suddenly pulled out of a gas station and rammed into the side of my car. At first, I thought the person must have done it on purpose. How could she not see my red SUV coming toward her? I had been crossing a busy intersection just before the impact and was shocked when I saw her car coming toward me. There was no way I could avoid the collision.

Solomon said in Ecclesiastes 9:12 that man “knoweth not his time: as the fishes that are taken in an evil net, and as the birds that are caught in the snare, so are the sons of man snared in an evil time, when it falleth suddenly upon them.” According to Solomon, accidents happen to everyone (Ecclesiastes 9:11); there is no way to control things that happen by chance. Therefore, we should make the most of our circumstances.

In my situation, the driver who hit me had insurance and my car was repaired at no expense to me. Afterward, the first few times I drove on that road, I felt anxious when I drove past the spot where the accident happened, but eventually, I was no longer affected by the memory and returned to normal. It didn’t take me long to get over the incident because I knew it was an accident and would likely never happen again.

Practice makes perfect

The concept of time is relative to experience. The more experience we have with something, the less we become aware of time while doing it. Therefore, the more we do something, the less time it seems to take. Eventually, we may reach a level of experience where we lose track of time or become completely unaware of time while doing something. It is at that point when eternity or “time out of mind” (5769) begins to make sense to us.

Solomon said that “to every purpose there is time and judgment” (Ecclesiastes 8:6) and “better is the end of a thing than the beginning” (Ecclesiastes 7:8). Sometimes we avoid a certain experience because we think we won’t like it or it might turn out badly. Therefore, we do not reach a point where we can see things from an eternal perspective. For example, a person gets divorced and decides to never remarry because the breakup was too painful.

Solomon said, “then I beheld all the work of God, that a man cannot find out the work that is done” (Ecclesiastes 8:17). The words translated work and done are associated with practice. They refer to something that is done habitually, a lifestyle that has become a way of life. It is difficult to get an eternal perspective on something if you only do it once, especially if you don’t get to see the outcome or end result. From an eternal perspective, a bad result is better than no result if you learn from your mistake.

 

Wasted effort

My dad was an entrepreneur and over the course of his life was involved in at least a dozen business ventures. As a result, he experienced a lot of what Solomon referred to as “sore travail” (Ecclesiastes 4:8). Solomon said, “For a dream cometh through the multitude of business; and a fool’s voice is know by a multitude of words” (Ecclesiastes 5:3). I think my dad believed in the American Dream, the idea that a person can go from rags to riches if he is willing to work hard and pay his dues. At the time of his death, my dad owned properties that he estimated to be worth about $300,000. It was a fortune to him, but insignificant compared to the current value of the first home he and my mom bought 50 years ago. They lost the house in a bankruptcy due to a failed business.

I think there are many people who work more than is really necessary and those who don’t work enough. In my own case, I worked very hard for 14 years and then I retired. I realized toward the end of my career that I didn’t have a life outside of work, and if I didn’t do something about it, I was going to end up like my dad, alone and miserable.

Solomon said, “If a man beget an hundred children and live many years, so that the days of his years be many, and his soul be not filled with good, and also that he have no burial; I say, that an untimely birth is better than he” (Ecclesiastes 6:3). What Solomon was implying was that none of the man’s hundred children cared enough about him to give him a decent burial, therefore, his life was a waste.