Author: Calleen Hough

Transformation

Thirty five years after I accepted Christ, I retired and became a full-time grandma. Although it may not be obvious, there is a definite connection between these two events. Becoming a Christian was a turning point in my life. It marked the beginning of my journey toward a relationship with God. Emotionally, I consider it to be the lowest point in my life because I was suicidal and had no hope for the future. When I retired and became a full-time grandma, it was a dream come true. Emotionally, it was the highest point in my life because of the excitement I had about the future and the happiness I felt about reaching the end of a successful career. At that point, I was no longer depending on myself, but trusting that God would take care of me for the rest of my life.

Solomon’s temple was a magnificent structure that took seven years to build (1 Kings 6:38). It’s construction occurred at the height of Israel’s triumph over their enemies (1 Kings 5:4). It says in 1 Kings 6:1, “and it came to pass in the four hundred and eightieth year after the children of Israel were come out of the land of Egypt, in the fourth year of Solomon’s reign over Israel, in the month of Zif, which is the second month, that he began to build the house of the LORD.” The timing is very specific and the reference to the children of Israel coming out of Egypt makes it seem as if the passing of time is relevant to the transformation of the Israelites from slaves into victorious warriors.

Something I think every Christian has to learn is how to depend on God, but beyond that is fulfilling God’s purpose for our lives. When I became a Christian, I had a strong desire to have a family. The best years of my life were during the time when I was a stay at home mom. Although it was not in my nature to be married and settle down, I had three children and God began to transform me into a different kind of person. I believe becoming a full-time grandma marked the end of that transformation. I am no longer the same person I was before I became a Christian.

Rest

Five years ago, when my dad died, I reached a point in my life where I felt it was time for me to settle down. The decade before that had been a restless one. I had moved eight times between three different states, changed jobs as many times, and battled all the demons of my past until I became free from the guilt and shame of a lifetime of mistakes. My dad had a strong influence on me when I was growing up and he was the person most responsible for my way of thinking about things. His death was fairly sudden and unexpected, so it took awhile for me to realize that my dad was really gone, but when I did, I was relieved. It was as if the dark cloud that had been hanging over my life finally disappeared and I was able to hope for the first time that my life could be different.

Prior to Solomon beginning construction on the Temple of God, a certain condition had to exist in the land of Israel. It says in 1 Kings 5:4, “But now the LORD my God hath given me rest on every side, so that there is neither adversary nor evil occurrent.” The word translated adversary, sâtân (saw – tawn´) means an opponent. In some cases it stands for Satan, “the arch-enemy of good” (7854), but in this case, satan is referring to the people surrounding Israel that fought against them to try and keep the Israelites from dwelling in the Promised Land. An evil occurrent could be a random act of violence or attack that drew the Israelites into battle. This happened continually during king David’s reign. What Solomon was probably saying was that the Israelites had no more need to fight. They were safe and secure in the land of Israel.

I believe a part of being in the will of God has to do with where we live. In order for certain things to happen, I think we have to be in the place where God has planned for them to happen. When I moved into my current residence, I felt it was the place where God wanted me to be. Knowing that I was where God wanted me to be made me feel safe and secure. I was able to settle down because I had found my place in the world and felt I belonged there.

Sexual addiction

Of the many addictions I have had to deal with in my life, sexual addiction has been by far the most difficult to overcome. Like all addictions, there is a need for self-control, but with sexual addiction, there was also a problem with my heart. When I had sex with a stranger, I was emotionally detached from the experience. Therefore, I knew when it was over I could move on and not be hurt by the loss of connection. In order to overcome my addiction, I had to engage in sex with my emotions in tact.

Proverbs 24:30-34 talks about the man “void of understanding” that is unwilling to put forth any kind of effort to have a normal, happy life. The description void of understanding literally means a person without a heart or someone that is checked out, apathetic toward life. This man’s vineyard “was all grown over with thorns and nettles had covered the face thereof, and the stone wall thereof was broken down” (Proverbs 24:31). In the Song of Solomon, Shulamite uses a vineyard as a metaphor for her body and says “but mine own vineyard have I not kept” (Solomon 1:6) in reference to her ability to excite Solomon sexually.

Sexual excitement is based on emotion, whether we are aware of it or not. There’s no internal switch that can be turned on and off. When we don’t feel our emotions, it is because our heart has been broken or we have experienced some kind of trauma that has caused us to go numb. In order to overcome sexual addiction, my heart had to heal so that I would know when I was falling in love. Once I became aware of what was happening, I was able to control my emotions and stop myself from having inappropriate sexual encounters.

Intoxication

I inherited alcoholism from my dad. I’ve never been the type of alcoholic that gets drunk everyday or shows up to work late with a hangover. To me, alcohol is something you turn to when you can’t take anymore, when life is too difficult or painful and you need some relief. When I found out my ex-husband was having an affair, I started drinking after being sober for 15 years. A gradual decline in my self-control occurred over several years until finally I was getting drunk every weekend and my health was starting to deteriorate.

Proverbs 23:29-35 contains a series of questions followed by an explanation of why intoxication is a vicious cycle that is difficult to escape. Solomon asks, “Who hath woe? who hath sorrow? who hath contentions? who hath babbling? who hath wounds without cause? who hath redness of eyes?” and then answers, “they that tarry long at the wine” (Proverbs 23:29-30). The phrase tarry long means to remain behind and could imply dwelling in the past or refusing to move on with your life. Intoxication as a form of escape usually involves a pattern of repeated mistakes that make you feel as though recovery is impossible.

When my dad died of cancer five years ago, I was confronted with the result of a lifestyle that was self-destructive. Even though my dad had stopped drinking seven years before his death, his way of life prevented him from really recovering. My concern at the time was not what was going to happen to me, but what alcohol was going to do to my children if I didn’t stop the cycle of addiction. The key to my freedom was a realization that getting drunk didn’t make me feel better. Afterward, having a hangover made me feel worse and my problems were still there.

Conversion

I have always taken my responsibility as a parent very seriously, so when my oldest son got a DUI and ended up in jail, I was devastated. My initial reaction was to ask myself, where did I go wrong? How could this happen to my son. It took several years for things to get sorted out. Eventually, John told me that he had given up his faith and viewed himself as an agnostic. He didn’t think he had ever truly given his life to Christ and wanted nothing to do with the church.

Proverbs 22:6 instructs us to “train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” The Hebrew word translated way, derek means “a road (as trodden)” (1870). Figuratively, derek refers to a course of life or mode of action Regarding our behavior, derek means our manner of life, the way we conduct ourselves. Derek also “refers to a ‘condition’ in the sense of what has happened to someone…In one passage derek signifies the overall course and fixed path of one’s life, or his ‘destiny.'”

My son’s declaration that he was no longer a Christian forced me to considered whether or not he had actually been converted as a young boy. As I looked back at his life and thought about his behavior, I was certain his commitment was real. Even though John no longer attended church, he was the same kind and loving person underneath his rough exterior. As a mom, it is hard to watch my son struggle and make mistakes, but I know that his life is in God’s hands and I believe someday his faith will be restored. I did all I could to point him in the right direction, the outcome is God’s.

 

A mistake

A few years after I was divorced, I met a man that was very kind to me. It may sound strange, but up until that point in my life, I had never known a man that was kind to me. Even though Chris was a perfect gentleman, I didn’t trust him. One evening when he came to visit me, Chris asked me to go outside with him to look at the moon. As we were gazing up into the sky, I sensed his powerful presence as he stood close behind me. I turned and looked at him and said, I’m not going to sleep with you.

Proverbs 21:5 says, “the thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness, but every one that is hasty only to want.” The word translated hasty, ’ûwts (oots) means to press and by implication to be close. It also means to hurry or withdraw (213). The word want indicates a deficiency or some sort, so hastiness resulting in want could mean a failed effort or losing something due to a rushed effort. The thoughts of the diligent being successful probably means that you’ve thought things through before initiating an action or planned for something ahead of time.

What I said to Chris was a mistake, but it was consistent with what I was feeling in the moment. I was afraid and didn’t know how to handle the intimacy of the situation. I wanted to stop what was happening, not because it was dangerous, but because I couldn’t handle the flood of emotions that was coming over me. Emotions can cause us to do things we wouldn’t normally do. In my case, fear made me react to Chris in a way that was inappropriate. My hasty remark not only ruined a special moment, but it damaged our relationship.

Possibility

An experience I will never forget is when I observed seven days of silence. I was unemployed at the time and living on my own, so it was possible for me to separate myself enough that communication was completely cut off. I started each day at a beach near my home in Malibu. As I drove down the Pacific Coast Highway in the early morning hours, I began listening for directions from the Lord as to where I was to meet him that day. Each day there was a different location, a little more private and secluded from the  previous.

It says in Proverbs 20:5, “counsel in the heart of man is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.” The word translated draw, dalah is properly translated as to dangle, as in letting down a bucket to draw water out of a well (1802). The reference to deep water is then understood to be water at the bottom of a deep well. Therefore, it takes considerable effort to access it. The word translated deep is also translated as deep things and is derived from a word that can be translated as profound.

On the final day of my silence, which was Easter, I met with the Lord on top of a hill that reminded me of Calvary. As I looked down at the beach and out over the vast ocean in front of me, I realized that my perspective of things had changed dramatically. Silence had helped me to see that my perception of reality was distorted. My view of life was based on limits, the edge or end of things. In actuality, life is based on possibility, the beginning or growth of things. God wants us to erase the boundaries of what we think is possible.

Destiny

A little over a week after my divorce was final, I was laid-off from my job. Over the course of three years, I attempted several new occupations, but eventually ended up unemployed with no job prospects. When my financial situation had become desperate, I heard about an opening at the same manufacturing company I previously worked for. I didn’t want to go back to work in a factory, but I felt strongly that it was the Lord’s will for me to apply for the position. When I got a job offer, I knew I had to take it.

Proverbs 19:21 says, “there are many devices in a man’s heart, nevertheless the counsel of the LORD , that shall stand.” The Hebrew word translated stand in this verse, qûwm (koom) means to come about. “It is also used to denote the inevitable occurrence of something predicted or prearranged” (6965). A word that is derived from kuwm, mâqowm (maw – kome´) means a spot or the location in which something is placed. Maqowm is typically translated place and its definition indicates “a ‘place’ is sometimes a task or office” (4725). In that context, kuwm can refer to reaching a destination or destiny.

It was really strange when I started my new job because it felt like I was picking up exactly where I had left off three years earlier. It was almost as if a pause button had been pressed and then suddenly released and my life was back in motion. The only thing that was different was that I was no longer living in Washington State, but had returned to Southern California where I grew up. My situation seemed like a dream come true. Instead of a factory, I ended up working in a very nice office building and received a sixty percent increase in pay.

Willpower

I think there comes a time in every Christian’s walk with the Lord when our will and God’s will are opposed to each other. Because we have free will, God does not overrule us. In fact, if we insist on having our own way, God allows us to do what we want, he does not stand in our way. The biggest mistake I’ve ever made occurred because I thought I knew better than God what was best for me. I thought I would be better off living the rest of my life by myself rather than staying married to the father of my children.

Proverbs 18:2 says, “a fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself.” The word translated discover, gâlâh (gaw – law´) means to make oneself naked in a disgraceful sense (1540). This term is associated with exile because captives were usually stripped before they were taken into captivity. When the Israelites went into captivity, they lost control of the land God had given them and were forced into pagan worship. Galah can also apply to the “revealing” of secrets and of ones innermost feelings. In this sense, galah refers to the revealing of our will, the intentions of our hearts.

I didn’t divorce my husband because he cheated on me, lied to me, or broke my heart. I divorced my husband because I didn’t believe God could change him. I had been praying for his behavior to change for many years and instead of it getting better, it kept getting worse, so I finally gave up. I wanted a husband that would love me, but what I didn’t know was that the problem wasn’t him, it was me. I was ashamed of being raped and felt he deserved to be with someone better than me.

 

Friendship

My best friend’s name is Shawn. We met 15 years ago when I was going through my divorce. At that time, Shawn was the happiest person I had ever known. She had been divorced for several years and was about to start over with a wonderful man. When I met John, I could tell he loved Shawn very much. The two of them seemed to be perfectly suited to each other. John was the strong silent type and Shawn his faithful companion. A little over a year after they were married, John died of cancer.

Proverbs 17:17 tells us that “a friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Another way of saying all times would be in every circumstance or in every season of our lives. The word translated brother, ’ach (awkh) typically refers to a blood relative, but “in several passages, the word ach connotes ‘companion’ or ‘colleague’ – that is, a brother by choice” (251). When Solomon said that a brother is born for adversity, he was implying that in the most difficult times of our lives, our best friend is there for us. His or her friendship is meant for that purpose.

The thing that attracted me to Shawn, her happiness, is what kept me by her side when she lost her husband to cancer. It was hard to watch her go through such a difficult trial and even today she still suffers in some ways, but Shawn has a beautiful heart and cares so deeply for the people around her that you can hardly tell how broken she is inside. I wish I could say I chose Shawn to be my best friend because of her happiness, but really it was her suffering that made me love her more than I do my own sister.